Have you been stalking your ex? Or is your ex stalking you? We find people and connect with them online, mostly through Facebook. But there are times when we end up in bad terms. Impulse make us click on the unfriend to lose connection with the person. Or when things really get so bad, we block them so that they won't see us anymore.
I have unfriended some people. But I only blocked someone who had been too perverted for me to be interested nor that I will ever want him to check on me online. But there has been someone whom I haven't moved on ever despite these years have gone past. I must have been spellbound to him. I can not search him online. I do not know if he has blocked me or if he has deleted his account on Facebook. I assumed on the first, but even fake accounts seem unable to search for him, maybe he has made it unsearchable.
A few years ago, I met a hottie at the lobby of a movie house. It was like that Beng Beng commercial for a hot seatmate. But he is both goodlooking and is sweating in the sweltering heat of that summer of May. As he tried to fan himself, he glanced at me and smiled. I was drawn to him and smile back. He was too goodlooking and buff that I had second thoughts to really approach him though. I had that feeling that he could be some call boy (or others may call them Money Boys). But I was magnetized and had to approach him. I said hi to start the conversation. He answered hi back. I commented on how his shirt looked wet, and he explained that he has not been used to the heat lately. He did not say why though.
I always had a spare shirt in my bag and good-naturedly (chos!) pulled it out offering to him to change. He was delighted and walked to the washroom. He came back wearing my favorite yellow tee. It fits him, it was loose on me anyway.
He was refreshed and the more he became hotter... for me... I knew that he is a few years older that me, maybe 2 or 3. And I always been drawn to older guys. Settled, he thanked me and joked on the shirt... That it must have been my style to pick on poor sweaty guys and offer them shirts to change. I objected, that spare shirt is mine because I also get sweaty.
Then finally we got acquainted (yes, finally). In his thankfulness, he gave me a hug. Then invited me to the nearby shopping mall. He offered to buy me a new shirt and dinner. Wow, my first impression was wrong. And off we went. He did bought me a new t-shirt and asked me to change, too. Then we went to a pizza fast food. He told me that he appreciated the gesture to offer that spare shirt. The simple talk went to a longer conversation. And the rest was history.
We shared a conversation that gave a peak on each one's personal lives. As he was sharing stories, I was able to conclude that he was a seafarer, a seaman. Finally, he admitted that he worked at a cruise ship. I am more amused that he knew so much about culinary, that at one time, eating out again at a Singaporean fast food, he can distinguish variants of curry as indian, thai, and malaysian (or Singaporean). Then, there were my splurges extra rice as pig into the Singaporean Curry. He reminded me to jog because I was really growing my beer belly.
He left me an imprint. I had been hoping that this will not end, or to last for very long. I kept a napkin where he wrote a message for me that he tucked into my hand. I had butterflies flying through. I did not know if it was a big crush on him or that I was already hoping for a relationship to be taken to the next level.
"I love you, R____ G______." was written in the napkin. When he gave my his real name, immediately added him on FB. He accepted. I checked on his photos. And, he looked like he is the crew captain. He must have been. We had been exchanging messages, on FB or by mobile. But he must have been busy again as he was set to board on ship again. My last look was photos at Anchorage. But I must have been too aggressive to have been liking, commenting and tagging on his photos. Suddenly, I am no longer receiving updates from him. And I tried to check on him, to my frustration, I can no longer find him.
I kept the napkin through this day. I never deleted his phone number in my phonebook even if it remained out of service for months. Yet I won't message it now because it may already have been a recycled number. Behind any relationship, this non-closure kept me asking those what-ifs. There is no moving on that can be final.
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